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Get your daily dose of wisedom at 6:50 am daily on the Morning Zoo....from your tUrban Worrier.....the Oracle.
Whenever the opportunity to challenge authority presents itself,
seize the day!! I do @ 6.50 a.m. Mon-Fri.
Here followeth the words.
Only the insane have strength enough to prosper, only those who prosper truly judge what is sane." Unknown
"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change." Unknown
"Truth may be stranger than fiction, but academia is stranger than both!" Author Unknown
"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive." Elbert Hubbard
"Live your life, do your work, then take your hat." Henry David Thoreau
"If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut." Albert Einstein
"No guts, no glory, no brain, same story." Unknown
"If everything is going well, you don't know what the heck is going on." Unknown
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips." Unknown
"No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong." Unknown "
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever." Unknown "
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball." Doug Larson
"Sacred cows make the best hamburger." Mark Twain "
Time's fun when you're having flies." Kermit the Frog
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." Douglas Adams "
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein "
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." Calvin and Hobbes "
With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress." Ransom K. Ferm "
Never try and teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of your time, and it annoys the pig." Mark Twain "
KGB, most feared organisation on planet!" Purchaser flashes his IRS ID. "Hokay, KGB, second most feared organisation on planet!" Unknown "
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup." Unknown "
Man, n.: An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada." Ambrose Bierce, "
"What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary." Richard Harkness"
The New York Times, 1960 Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." Source Unknown
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." Ely Standard (British newspaper), Correction Notice
"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants." Isaac Newton "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." Hal Abelson "In computer science, we stand on each other's feet."
Brian K. Reid The three laws of thermodynamics: You can't win the game. You can't break even. You can't even quit. Unknown
"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage." Mark Russel "
All our inventions are but improved means to an unimproved end." Henry David Thoreau "
Remember that Noah's Ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals." Unknown "
God help us, we're in the hands of engineers!"Dr. Ian Malcom, Jurasic Park "
Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw." Unknown "
The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea." Unknown "
I've written a commercial for Apple Computer. It goes like this: 'Macintosh - we might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end.'" Douglas Adams "
First law of computer trade journalism: 'No technology exists until Microsoft invents it.'" Nicholas Petreley "
If you don't know where you want to go, we'll make sure you get taken." Microsoft, (Ad slogan, translated into Japanese) "
And oh! It was as though the heavens opened and God handed down a client-side OS so beautiful, so graceful, and so elegant that a million Microsoft developers couldn't have invented it even if they had a hundred years and a thousand crates of Jolt cola." Polly Sprenger "
You think it's a conspiracy by the networks to put bad shows on TV. But the shows are bad because that's what people want. It's not like Windows users don't have any power; I think they are happy with Windows, and that's an incredibly depressing thought..." Steve Jobs "
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." A. Whitney Brown "
Blessed are they that engage in lively debate with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called Dentists." Author Unknown "
Men who lie to women don't deserve to have wives!Men who don't lie to women don't have wives!" Harold and Red Green, The Red Green Show
"Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur." (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.) Unknown
The world is not getting worse, it is just that the news coverage is getting better.
If everything seems to be going your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.
Television is called a medium because nothing is well done.
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
God put us here to accomplish something in our lifetimes. I am so far behind now, I'll never be able to die
Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts. -- Albert Einstein
The plural of spouse is spice.
Politicians occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. -- Winston Churchill
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. -- Dave Barry
It's bad luck to be superstitious
Two Rules For Success are:
1. Never tell people everything you know.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office. -- Robert Frost
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. -- Stephen Wright Murphy's Law is recursive.
Washing your car to make it rain won't work.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a ripe mango.
So, you took an IQ test and the results were negative
So dumb was HeHeHe thought the formula for water was H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O (H-to-O).
What's worse, ignorance or apathy? Don't know, don't care.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
I've been dieting for a month, and all I've lost is 30 days.
Half the people in the world are below average.
All generalizations are false.
Me, a skeptic? I trust you have proof.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. -- Steven Wright
There's a lot of comedy on television, but does this cause comedy in the streets?
Don't treat computers as though they were human; they hate it.
Programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas because oct(31) = dec(25).
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. -- E. W. Dijkstra
It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger than the previous record. -- John Blasik
Do vegetarians hate plants?
Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute
Celibacy is not hereditary.
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
They think they can make fuel from horse manure. Now I don't know if your car will be able to get thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.- Billie Holliday
Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron. - George Carlin
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.- Ellen DeGeneris
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.- Carol Leifer
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. - Roger Simon
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents. - Billiam Coronel
If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers? - Calvin
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" - Jay Leno
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If Dr. Seuss Wrote Computer Manual.....
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
more to follow...........oracle.
"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan
"No BLOOD no foul."
"Life's an Ocean, Sail It"
"We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip
Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back
Half the people you know are below average.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies)
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~
Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.
"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."
"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"
If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough
Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.
I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.
"Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road."
I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last
Silence is silver, but music is gold...
Lifes Tough, get a helmet!
loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
Boldly Going Nowhere.
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A BLONDE.
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"
"i'm not tailgating, i'm keeping up with the pace car"
Roadhead cures Roadrage...
Tell your girlfriend I said thanks
" WARNING: in case of rapture, this car will be driverless. "
normal people worry me
you say physco like it's a bad thing
those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do
This delinquent is having sex with your honor student.
Save the environment...plant a Bush back in Texas.
"Your faith in yourself is all you will ever have. Don't let anyone take it away from you ever." ~ Holly Marie Combs
don't regret doing things, regret getting caught
None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all
"my tears for you are like dark chocolate- bitter sweet and probably no good for me."
"it takes a player to shoot a shot.. but it takes a team to win a game " - penny anae
everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE
Anger is one letter short of danger.
One death is one too many.
Life's not all bad. Look into somebody's eyes, you'll see that they're a person just like you, they also have good and bad feelings, hopes and dreams.
If you love somebody, they shouldn't make you cry, they should be worth crying over.
Lots of things change...lots of them don't...but the fact that I love you...that will always stay the same.
"I'm going to live life or die trying"
im sugar and spice and everything nice if u wanna mess with me u better think twice
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."
"We didn’t lose.....we just ran out of time"~unknown
"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."
"You will be aroused by a shampoo comercial."--Homer J. Simpson
If you die, I'll kill you!"
There are some days when I just don't feel like talking.. Today is that day.
Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.
The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
"Find a guy that adores you and not one that you adore!!" MOM
Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Trust your instincts and listen to your friends, because they may be right when you don't want them to be
"Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"
"Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady. But I can usually shut her up with chocolate.".
They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?.
"When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!".
Men are like pennies: two-faced and worthless.
Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.
" Look up for inspiration, down for concentration but don’t look side to side for information".
You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try. - Homer J. Simpson.
"Is tuna really Chicken?" - Jessica Simpson, after reading "Tuna, Chicken of the sea"
"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down." –Anonymous
"Dying is just natures way of saying 'Hey! Your not alive anymore!'"
Roses are red, violets are blue, please flush the toilet, after you.
"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle."
"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous" -unknown
"I'll kill you until you die!!"
"They misunderestimated me!" -George W. Bush"
"I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to!"
"Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter."
"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"
"The whole world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus"
"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose"
"Don't criticize my mess unless you'd like to become part of it."
"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states"
"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"!
I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!!
"There's nothing wrong with being a loser, it just depends on how good you are at it."
If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
Thank-you for visiting reality, come again........... Now entering your life, welcome
The entire world's a stage; I didn't get cast!
Consciousness- that annoying time between naps
Suburbia - where they cut down trees and name streets after them
"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass"
I love him, O yes I do,
He's for me, not for you,
And if by chance you take my place,
I'll take my fist and smash your face!
"God made mud, God made dirt, God made guys so girls could flirt!"
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons!
For you are crunchy
And taste good with ketchup
Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!
"Loves a two-way street and I think your car just died"
Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!
"Loves a two-way street and I think your car just died"
Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!
It takes 42 muscels to smile, so instead pick up your middle finger and
say bite me in a bitchy tone!
Every morning is the dawn of a new error
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved
Dain bramaged
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Beware of programmers who carry screwdriver
